Chaotic-Cheats.com - I have a fear of intimacy and I don't know how to get over it. Help!!?

I have a fear of intimacy and I don't know how to get over it. Help!!?

Hi, I grew up in kind of a chaotic family environment so i don't know if this has anything to do with it. Anyway, I'm 23 and I've only had 2 boyfriends, the first one cheated on me and now I'm with the seond one who i think is quite a respectable fellow so I'm not too worried about getting cheated on. I am however worried, because i'm okay around guys as long as we're not in a relationship, but as soon as we label it that, i completely freak out have really bad anxiety about being good enough and all that and basicly am not able to open up to him at all. I hate it and wish i could some how get over this. I'm terrified of any man getting close to me so my relationships tend to stay pretty superfiscial and never develop into "love" or a true connection where I'm completely open, loving and feel loved. It's like I go through the motions of what a relationship should look like, but i'm anxiety ridden through the entire ordeal, until i completely shut down all commun. and terrified of judge

Public Comments

ok look im a big woman as in not thin. but i tell myself i m beautiful and my man tells me the same. tell your self you are a wonderful beautiful smart amazing young woman no matter how you look and your self confidence will rise and you will show it
Well, try telling your current boyfriend about this. Explain that you have to take it slow so you can build that trust that you haven't found yet. And try your hardest to just be honest with him. Tell him when you're frightened and what scares you. Maybe he can help. I have a fear of attachment (which I think might be more of what you have than a fear of intimacy), and I really just talked to one of my boyfriends about it and ended all relationships external to the one I had with him (aka I stopped cheating on him) and faced my fear knowing that he was going to be holding my hand throughout the struggle.
i think counseling mite help if you can find a good one, if u do find a good one he/she can talk you through ur stuff and figure out how to counteract your fears and let them go just know that that doesn't mean the first one u try is rite for you, go try out dif ones
You had a bad experience with your first boyfriend, which will always have an impact on your future relationships to some degree. Any problems in terms of your family life will also play a part in how you handle relationships, regardless of whether or not you think it influences them. Your 1st boyfriend cheated on you. I am sure that left you hurt, devastated, and made you doubt yourself. Was I not pretty enough, nice enough, good enough, etc? Him cheating on you had nothing to do with you, he was the one with the problem. But unfortunately, that's the kind of damage it does in a relationship. You are scared of allowing yourself to be open, to be vulnerable to your new boyfriend. That's so you won't get hurt again. Everyone does that. You need to trust your boyfriend and be in the relationship with an open heart. That is how you will learn to love and learn to overcome your fear of intimacy. Best of luck to you!
I think you are brave for admitting that you have a fear of intimacy. Not many people can actually admit that they have a problem. I think the basic way to get over it is to allow someone to love you. Do not be terrified of letting someone love you. Try to work on it maybe by get a pet or something that also helps in the process of learning intimacy. Good Luck to you.
By chaotic environment, do you mean abusive, neglectful? That can make you afraid that you'll be hurt or abandoned if you let someone close to you. The fact that you are afraid to let men close to you makes me wonder if you've ever been abused by a man, in any way. I know you said your first boyfriend cheated on you. That might have been the straw that broke the camel's back for you. I also tend to push people away and get anxious when I let someone in. I grew up in a very abusive, broken home. If your fear of intimacy is causing you this much anxiety, maybe you should see a counselor to help you figure out why you feel the way you do, and to give you the tools to help you get past it. It's probably not something that you can just "get over."
Get more information about some ways to overcome your fear, anxiety and phobia at my profile.