Chaotic-Cheats.com
My poem. Read, please?
So I was just thinking about rain, and I wrote this poem. I know it's not very good, but your opinions? Constructive critiscism and editing tips are fine, too. I enjoy reading comments =) The question I was sort of thinking of while I wrote this was: Would you rather die honorably in a battle, or survive, but then have to fight that same battle over and over again, every single day? It's not very specific, just a random thought. The rain, it pains me much to see the water run down the pane. The rain, it's cold, so very cold, and wet and dreary and grey. The rain, it rattles, it shakes the glass it threatens the frail wooden frame of my house, on the hill up so high To be swept away in the rain. The rain, it beats against the glass, as I hear rolls of thunder pass as I see lightning melt the sky as scraps of paper whoosh on by as howls of whirlwind rattle my house, up on the hill, perched so high. And still I sit by this glassy old pane, and still I watch this chaotic game as light and wind and water reign over my house, my old, old house. And I do not care. For if it falls, I'll have nothing to lose And I almost hope for my house to choose to die this way proud and there till the end. But the rain, it slows as the clouds thin out. The sun breaks through with a triumphant shout, and patches of gold dot the ground, and all is well again. I close my curtain, and block out the light. I heave a sigh, my chest feels tight. A dull thudding, sore with time. The rain, it pains me much to believe that soon, it will come again Thanks for reading. -Kaledrina
Public Comments
- good one,but it's kinda borin..
- its fine scraps of paper seems a lil out of place though i dont know why that is pretty good
- its kind of long, boring and kind of pointless. but i guess its just not the type of poems i like.
- amazing but id change some of the way u set up your stanzas because it doesnt flow that great how about changing the "and" in lines 7-9 to "so" and take out very from line 6
